Stories and Sergeant Splat

I wrote the next installment of “Tales of the Mountain Child” if anyone actually reads it…they should notice its all getting rather climatic now.

  Yestderday i was making my way to the studio. I’m standing on the central line tube train when the pilot comes onto the intercom “Passengers, a man is under a train at Chancery Lane…this train is forced to terminate and Liverpool Street. There will be no westbound service between liverpool street and Holborn until the situation is fixed”


  I get off at liverpool street to find that teh station is a maze of corridors and stairs…and a choatic mess of thousands of lost travellers and tourists delayed by Sergeant Splat, the suicidal commuter.  Bastards like him mess up the services every week by painting trains with their innards.


  For one, train suicide is inconsiderate for these reaons.

1: The driver has no choice but hit you…this will rest on his concience forever.

2: every day train engineers have to wipe your remains from the track (my cousin does this…he commonly finds bits of peson that were overlooked the first time)

3:Thousands of peoples days are messed up becuase their travels were cut short due to your suicide.


 So for christ sake go hang yourself on something, stop jumping in front of trains!


  So thank you Sergeant Splat…for making me two hours late thanks to your suicide.


One Response

  1. 4. The family of “Sergeant Splat” would have to pay for fucking up the time tables of the train/tube.

    Here anyway..

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